Games Review

Yeah, you read that right. I'm reviewing a bakery. I told you I was going to review some crazy stuff, and you were all like, 'hey, man, it's cool, we'll read it,' and I was all like, 'man, I'm warning ya, it'll be crazy!' and you were all like, 'naw, dawg, it be cool,' and then I was all like, 'fo shizzle my nizzle' and then we all decided to quit talking like white kids who let their pants hang too low because they think they're black.

My friend called me last night to ask me if I would help out his friend who has a bakery and is trying to get it a little face-time. My first instinct was to say, 'are you high? A bakery?' and then he said, 'I will bring you some baked goods,' and I immediately agreed. For a box full of delicious baked desserts, I would review a plastic dog whistle.

When it comes to baked desserts, I'm somewhere between a connoisseur and a rabid fan. So when that box of delicious treats arrived, it didn't take me many bites to realize that I really loved the cupcakes. The strawberry cupcake was amazing, and there was a huge cinnamon cupcake decorated up like a king cake (you know, Mardi Gras? Comes with a plastic baby inside, and the guy who gets the baby is the king for next year, by which we mean that next year he has to buy the cake? Yeah, that). That huge cupcake was also super tasty. I'm writing this review and kind of salivating a little, but I'm not too concerned because I still have a couple more cupcakes downstairs.

This bakery, the Sugar Deaux Bakery, does baked treats really well - better than you can get at the grocery store, for sure - and they also do some stunning wedding cakes. They are going for a sort of Texas-meets-Louisiana thing, and also sell pralines and chocolate-filled croissants. Also chocolate-covered pretzels, which were good, but I wouldn't go to Plano for pretzels.

If you want to see some pictures of the cool stuff the Sugar Deaux Bakery can make for you, just visit their site. Of course, if you do, you will have to see a website that was apparently designed by the owner's 12-year-old nephew who just finished a book about how to build a gaudy Angelfire page. But ignore the horrible design and poorly shot photography. Seriously, the food is very good. The website is not representative of the quality of the baked treats. It's like opposite day.

Now, this still seems kind of insane, reviewing a bakery. I mean, it's not like my Finnish audience is over on the other side of the Atlantic going, 'man, next time I'm in Plano, I totally have to stop by this Sugar Deaux place!' You're not coming to Texas for the express purpose of getting a strawberry cupcake. Hell, I'm not even going to drive to Plano unless someone I know needs a wedding cake, because no cupcake is worth the 90-minute round trip. But there's a bigger reason I'm telling you about the Sugar Deaux Bakery

The folks who run the bakery are parents of three sons. And the reason they're trying to make a run at the bakery is to raise money for their sick boys. Out of three kids, two are medical train wrecks, diagnosed with the kinds of illnesses that sound like they were invented by Doc Savage in a fight against underworld ape-men. 'Monk! We only have minutes to adjust the Central Hypoventilation Syndrome before we're overrun! Tell Patty to prep the Spinal Muscular Atrophy!'

So these people are trying to raise money, not just to take care of their kids, but to find cures for their incredibly horrible maladies. And that's why I agreed to review a bakery. Well, that and free cupcakes. That, and the dad is a cop, and I hope some day he can get me out of a speeding ticket.

So here's the part where you can do something if you're not in Dallas. If you go to the bakery's website, they also have a link to the site they're trying to use to raise research money. It's another incredibly professional affair, and when I say 'incredibly professional', I mean 'this is why Geocities died.' But it's a mix of brave and gut-wrenching and sad and uplifting, which is the kind of emotional cocktail I like to chase with hard liquor and Quaaludes. And they've got a donate button where you can throw a couple bucks to help kids who get messed-up diseases that I can't pronounce or even begin to understand.

Am I about to turn into some kind of soft-headed crybaby, telling you about whatever charity wants your money and then playing 'Arms of an Angel' and making you look at very sad kittens? No, no I am not. However, if you know of a charity that could use some exposure, and they are willing to hand-deliver a box full of delicious baked goods that I can share with my whole family, I may be willing to consider your plea. It does help if we're already friends, and you can personally vouch for the people running the donation site.

One more thing - if you are going to ask me to review your random storefront, pay a rodeo clown ten bucks to design you a site that doesn't play really loud New Orleans street music when I get there. Although if you give me fantastic strawberry cupcakes, I'll overlook it.

Turn down your speakers and check out the Sugar Deaux Bakery at:
http://www.sugardeauxbakery.com/