Games Review

Last week was a big long ordeal of bad news, but this week, I have good news - I am going to GenCon this year. I really can't wait. I haven't been to GenCon in a few years, and frankly, I miss it.

I was still not planning on going this year, but things just kind of worked out. As some of you may know, I have a side gig doing a little writing (mostly editing) for Asmodee. Earlier this year, they asked me if I could help out in their GenCon booth. Being a helpful guy, I shrugged and said, 'well, if that's what you need…'

No, that is not what I said. What I said was more like, 'Oh, hell yes! Free hotel and a vendor badge? Where do I sign?' They were also going to buy me a plane ticket, but I don't fly, so I will be driving there.

(Quick clarification: I am not scared to fly. I have been in planes more times than I can count, and it doesn't frighten me at all. But the seats are too small and crush my six-foot-two frame, and I always end up sitting next to some fat guy who smells like moldy fruit, and the guy in front of me loves to take a nap, which he can only do if he reclines far enough that I can examine his head lice. I hate having my luggage lost, or even worse, having my luggage get left out on the runway during a tropical storm that soaks every garment I own before the bag is stuffed into a baggage compartment that gets to 100 degrees and makes all my clothing smell like damp pig farts. And even if I could live with all that, there's no way I intend to subject myself to voluntary molestation at the hands of some minimum-wage junior-high dropout who gropes by my ballsack because he's finally found himself a position with more power than the guy who has to clean the toilet at the all-night porn theater.)

So my old man is driving here from Idaho (incidentally, the trip from Idaho to Texas is very long) and then we will drive together to Indianapolis (for the record, the trip from Texas to Indiana is also very long). We will share my free hotel room, split gas money, and have a very good time.

I am really hoping to see some good costumes this year. In years past, I was less tolerant, but as time passes, I find myself much more willing to put up with some silliness. Hell, you're at GenCon. Where else can a middle-aged man wear a skirt and a tiara and go out in public? Come to think of it, I still hope I do not see that costume. Or the granny whose sagging butt can be seen through her fairy outfit. Man, that one still wakes me up sometimes. But I am still looking forward to hot chicks dressed as slave Leia, or impressive Drizzt costumes, or totally bizarre stuff that doesn't make one bit of sense whatsoever but still looks kind of bad-ass.

If you are planning to go to GenCon, you can find me at the Asmodee booth. If you come by and see a bald dude with a shrubby beard, that would be me, unless my dad is spotting me, in which case the bald guy with the shrubby beard is not me, it is my old man.

And here's the part where I sweeten the deal. If you bring a Sharpie and wear a Drake's Flames t-shirt (either of them, I'm not proud), I will sign your boobs. Yes, really. But since that incredibly awesome t-shirt will be covering your boobs, I may have to sign your hairy belly instead. It's up to you, but you probably don't want to stretch the collar on that fantastic garment.

I am desperately hoping someone takes me up on that offer. Man or woman, I don't care. And hopefully someone will take a picture. I can think of few pictures more hilarious than me scribbling my name on some tubby dude's fur-covered beer gut. I mean, how awesome would that be? Pretty awesome, is how awesome.

It's only a week away, so if you're going to be wearing a Drake's Flames t-shirt, you probably better order one tonight. I'm leaving a week from Tuesday, and you'll want to have that spiffy shirt in hand for the first day. I've added an ad over to the side there, so you can find the shirt store easily, and here's the direct link to the store:

SWEET TEES

I will be back Wednesday with an actual review of an actual game, and there should theoretically be a couple more before I leave for the show. After that, I will see you in Indianapolis, unless you don't go to GenCon, or unless you don't stop by the Asmodee booth, or unless you do stop by and I'm out getting a hot dog, or unless I'm in the bathroom because I ate a GenCon hot dog.