Games Review

It has finally happened - I have fallen prey to the siren song of social media. I've had a Facebook page for years, but never really used it because it irritated the hell out of me. I just didn't need to know which of my friends had recently purchased sandwich meat. I don't need regular updates on the after-work plans of people I barely know who live hundreds of miles away. And Facebook is ridiculously difficult to use. Would it kill them to have some kind of navigation menu? The buttons are all over the place!



But a few months ago, Asmodee made me an offer that I didn't really want to refuse (as opposed to one I couldn't refuse, which might have involved a horse's head and extensive kneecap surgery). For the last couple months, I've been writing copy for the Asmodee website, and starting last week, I'm now the official Facebook voice for Jungle Speed.



To complete my descent into social media hell, I also acquired a Jungle Speed Twitter account. I never would have considered a Twitter account until my wife told me how many short, funny jokes she reads on Twitter. I created a Drake's Flames Twitter account, but never said anything. For one thing, I would have been talking to myself, because my Twitter account had exactly zero followers. Then my massage therapist started following me, and so I had one follower, and I didn't really want to tell her dick jokes. Not sure what made her decide to follow me, to be honest.



So then last week I started my Jungle Speed Twitter account, and then Wednesday I attended a Twitter party. For those of you with enough self-respect to not know what that is, a Twitter party is a thing where you have a narrow chat window with a mildly restrictive character limitation and everyone types at the same time, then replies at the same time, and people talk so fast that you get a headache. It was exhausting, but when I was done, I had 44 followers, and now I feel obligated to say something every now and then, just so people know I still care about them. I don't, but it wouldn't be nice to tell them that.



Other than the fact that I'm pulling a paycheck from Asmodee, nothing has changed. I made it clear when I took the job that my reviews were still going to be crassly honest. They still send me review copies, and I still blow holes through the bad ones (though honestly, I think Asmodee has one of the best gold-to-garbage ratios in the industry). The only game I'm promoting is Jungle Speed, aside from writing web blurbs and the odd press release. Everything else is just my unfiltered opinion, and I won't be writing about Jungle Speed here. Mostly because I already did, like three years ago, which is why the Asmodee people wanted me to work for them.



However, now that I know that Twitter is not quite as worthless as I thought it was, I intend to start using my Drake's Flames account. As soon as one or two people are actually listening (I'm not counting the lady at the chiropractor's offices who rubs the kinks out of my back), I'll make sure I tweet something at least once a day. I'll also update you when I write a review, so that you don't have to check in every two hours to see if I've posted an article about some game you're never going to play. Plus I'll write inappropriate and potentially offensive jokes, many of which will have references to body parts, sexually transmitted diseases, or flatulation. I mean, why have a Twitter account if you don't tell fart jokes now and then?



One thing I will not do is update you every time I change my pants. You also cannot use Facebook to friend me, poke me, fan me, like me or ask me for spare change, because I barely use my Facebook page and I turn down or ignore almost every friend request. But if you follow Drake's Flames on Twitter, you can get crude humor and stupid cracks delivered direct to your phone, which to be honest, doesn't seem like much of an upside to me, but far be it from me to judge.



If you want to follow me on Twitter, you can click the button I just added to this site (it says, 'follow me on Twitter', in case you're just not sure) or just start following @drakesflames.